You Can't Dance

13 year-old-Samantha arrived at the office of her A Home Within therapist furious with her new foster mother. She and her friends had been talking excitedly about the upcoming school dance—the first one since she had arrived at her new foster home. Samantha had just learned that her foster mother would not allow her to attend the dance.

Samantha was beside herself with disbelief, anger, and disappointment. She had been allowed to attend dances in her previous foster home and thought that it was completely unfair that her new foster mother could impose this restriction on her. She announced that she intended to go anyway. On further thought, she declared that she was so mad that she was running away—back to her biological mom, where she could do whatever she wanted. Her therapist knew that, indeed, Samantha would have no oversight in the home of her mother, and that running away was typically Samantha’s first solution to problems.

As Samantha headed for the door, her therapist asked if she could walk with her. Samantha shrugged, but paused to allow the therapist to lock up. Together they started toward their destination—about seven miles away. The day was hot and humid and, in their hasty departure, they had not stopped to take water or anything to shade them from the sun. As they walked they began to chat a bit and Samantha seemed to appreciate her therapist’s comments about how hard it was to have to adjust to different rules in different homes, particularly when it made her feel different from other kids.

Along about mile two, the therapist began to complain a bit about the heat and how tired she felt. When Samantha signaled her agreement, the therapist suggested that they might call her foster mother for a ride home. During the drive to return the therapist to her office, she was able to work with Samantha and her foster mother to help them resolve their disagreement about what activities were allowed. The foster mother, a fun-loving woman, suggested that Samantha could organize a party for her and her new friends at their home. With some hesitation and grumbling Samantha accepted this substitute for the dance and a possible crisis was averted.

Had Samantha either defied her foster mother’s rules or run away, she risked being moved to another foster home. Of even greater concern, her sense that no one would listen to her and that she had always to take matters into her own hands would have been reinforced.

Working outside the box

Traditional psychotherapy—a “50 minute hour” in the therapist’s office often does not meet the needs of the foster children who come to A Home Within. Our therapists move beyond the usual confines of the therapeutic relationship, while still maintaining the boundaries that provide the sense of safety and comfort and promote a sense of trust and well being.

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